beautiful

The last day of the year.
Every year it seems I say WOW SURE GLAD THAT YEARS OVER. but honestly I do not feel this way currently. I've decided, consciously to not hurry any year along. I am almost 60 years old. That realization has been front and center in my mind. (Hey this year my YMCA membership goes waaaaay down because of it.) Growing older is also such a current subject in my life, as my mom is 91 and still lives alone in her apartment, due entirely to the fact that my sister and I are so willing to care. My younger brothers are so absent in this arena, that it’s actually ridiculous. My mom is a difficult person, very unhappy and miserable. She makes sure you know it too. I’ve gotten adept at ignoring her rude comments over the years and letting shit roll off my shoulders...but man. I do feel bad for her.
 I didn’t really want to write about my mom. I’ve written about her before…multiple times during the 500 words a day exercise and I even wrote a letter THE LETTER to my completely absent brothers, in frustration last year when mom was hospitalized for 3 weeks recovering from a stroke and neither of them even called her once.. This caused them to stop speaking to me. It’s a shame but I'm not sorry I sent THE LETTER. It just reinforces the fact that no one really knows anyone else. I cannot ever know why they wont give her a call a few times a year, or (gasp) visit her.  I can pretty much guess why they stopped talking to me though.
I’m a mom. I can tell you that if my kids NEVER attempted to see or talk to me….well. I’d not care to live either.
As our parents age and we age, I think we change.  
As for my own kids….
Ian was home for a very few days around Christmas. I am still worried about him, but it is better than it was. Lots of money worries and responsibility (loan repayment) issues. I also worry about his health. But I’m not one to talk. Those habits. Ugggh.
Still I loved having him home. He is fun. Lots of laughing and games. Family joy. Also we barely had a fight this visit. :)  
​(it was about social media)
Miles and Jessi are officially engaged to be married. I had sorta forgotten they weren't married already. Ha. They are truly amazing. Not perfect, no, but so amazing. Sometime I'll write an essay on them. We had some great laughs together playing board games. Whoda thunk?
Garth is still in Shanghai. He is on his 3rd contract with Punchdrunk. Doing some new work, Rehearsal director and the new role. I think it is very good for him! He made a wise choice to stay, hard as it was. Missed him again for the Holiday.  Ingrid left and that is a sad and huge change for him there, but it's life.  Also, he is making music which he truly LOVES doing.

Its really cold outside and my heart aches for Angelo, the cat that lives at Intrinsic. All cats that LIVE outdoors really. It’s tough at negative degrees.
End of the year. I have a new planner for 2018. A Passion Planner.  It's a beauty and I intend to use the heck out of it. I love planners. Must be my neverending goal to be organized….
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