forgiving is hard.
A strange winter. In every sense! 60 degree temps in mid- February in northern Illinois for one thing! Friends, you'll never catch me complaining much about the weather. I actually like weird weather and seeing what happens. But it's a weird winter in other ways as well. I had high hopes of accomplishing many things while I was off work this winter...now I am letting those expectations go. I DID do some of it. But the advent of my mum's latest situation has changed things a bit. She had a small stroke apparently, mid Feb. and lost the use of her right arm. She is still in a rehab hospital (which is an amazing thing actually-rehab hospital) and it is a bit over an hour drive for me. I feel guilty if I don't go see her every day. But I just can't, so I'm driving there every other day. Of course, at 90 there is quite a bit that needs to be done, even without a hospital visit.
My mum has 6 children all still living. 4 of us participate in her life, 2 of those from afar. The bulk of her care coming from my sister and myself, as we are geographically close. I am struggling to find a way to forgive the 2 that don't participate in her life. My brothers. For many years now they have not telephoned her once just to see how she's doing. My mum is not the easiest person, it's true...but IF they had made this one small effort throughout these last few years...a call every month or so...what a difference it would have made to her. I believe she would have a different attitude and be healthier.
It is so sad for me to picture my 90 year old mum sitting quietly by herself and thinking about this. and I know she has.
What mum wouldn't? It has turned her bitter towards them, but I think that is just a natural defense mechanism as the years rolled on and she became more accustomed to their absence of caring about her life. They sometimes would see her once a year at Xmas but even that has died, as my brother in Illinois refused to take a day off work to come for his yearly sighting. I find myself so angry with them. It feels so unfair to her. I know it does me no good to dwell on this and feel these feelings, I know I'm only hurting myself. In writing this, I am hoping to reveal to myself a way to let this go. My sister and I have talked about it. I've discussed it with friends. I still feel these feelings of bitterness and resentment towards them, regarding this issue. It's safe to say that apart from this, I genuinely love my brothers and have had good relations and humor with them. What makes people do (or not do) the things they do? Age old question.
Mums love their kids more than any old thing, no matter what the age. Call your mum today if you still can! It'll make her day. x
Oh what a life.
Well well well. February is a beast of a month. I've long suffered with winter months...Feb. is always my hardest.
This year seems to be especially difficult, emotionally, with all that's gone wrong with our country. America. Land that I love. Land that is threatened and mistreated and destroyed on the daily. And land that I now am embarrassed to say I am a part of, with such a "leader". However...this is not to be a political post. This is a post to celebrate my friends. I have written before on the value of friends in my life...I have sung the praises of people who uplift me and support me and make me feel alive. Never before has this been more important to my well being. My friends are the people who keep me going. In every sense.
Thank you to each and every one of you, near and far, who honestly may or may not know how much you help me.
I think that without friends, whether they be your sibs, your kids, your childhood buddies, your work cronies, your new friends or your oldest friends.... no one would be healthy. So thank you from the bottom and the top of my heart to ALL of you.