life without figgy

 this is the third morning Ive awoken without The Routine. On Thursday my beloved companion, my at home sidekick, my sweet plopper died. I feel a big figgy shaped hole in my life, but especially in the mornings. Figgy loved waking me up every morning and instinctively knew the time thing. We had a whole routine. 
On Thursday while I was getting ready for work I heard extremely loud cries from downstairs...they were not really normal, although Figgy could get very vocal while 'playing' with his sister. When I came down I found him totally stressed out laying on the floor screaming (in pain...although I didn't realize it was pain at first). His back legs appeared to be NOT working.  I thought Did he break his back?? He tried desperately to pull himself to the next room and I called the vet who naturally wasn't open yet. They have a message about who to call in emergency so I called. She said come now.  It was  THE most uncomfortable 39 minute drive I can remember. Figs screaming the whole way. I didn't even bother with the carrier...just wrapped him in a blanket which he didn't stay in anyway.  
Turns out he had experienced the equivalent of a stroke in humans...'saddle thrombus' is the tech term.  He was 8 years old (kinda guessing...we adopted him as a feral kitten)  A blood clot broke loose and lodged in the base of his spine causing extreme pain and complete paralysis, no blood flow. ( my god, who knew these sorts of things happened? honestly Ive been lucky with my cats I guess).
My choices were dismal...  like none.     Try and 'fix' it? -
Weeklong hospital stay, painful condition, need constant care and monitoring at home,  many cats die during the process, good chance of reoccurrence, AND the clincher- average life span after this saddle thrombus? 77 days.  That's NO life for Figgy. My decision was easy in a tough situation. So the very kind and compassionate vet and her staff helped end his life as I petted him.  It was the easiest part of the whole traumatic morning to be honest.
Now I miss him. all the time but especially in the morning.