Day 2- I've now actually made TWO posts!!!! WOOOOHOOOO
Today I am thinking about the past and how hugely it affects us in all these ways we don't even know. I have an almost 90 year old mum and I take her grocery shopping and on errands once a week...not because I have the greatest relationship with her, but because she's 90 and most of my siblings ignore her and/or live far away....and for some reason this has fallen to me. She has never driven (what?? I know...) so was always somewhat dependent on others or public transport.
I have wished throughout the years that I had one of those best-friends-with-your mum relationships but I don't. She's actually a pretty negative and hateful person. I always strived to be the opposite in my child rearing days. Consciously.
These days, I have become aware of how lonely she is and it makes me quite sad. I wonder if she thinks about how she'd do things differently now, knowing what she knows about her (non)relationships with most of her grown kids. I mean I definitely love her but wouldn't say we are truly close, if that makes sense.
An old friend of mine called me today and we laughed and laughed talking about the hilarity and ridiculous things we used to do while working together about 15 years ago. Shelley and I are very close, but don't talk often. It made me think about how our past relationships mold who we become and I am truly lucky to have such a vast array of wonderful friends and kids who affect my personality in such a positive manner.
Relationships. We have soooo many of them really, from close in depth ones to just the relationship you have with the super nice girl at your grocery that you see every Saturday (with your complaining mum).
I wonder about the guy at the Y, who I see twice a week and seems genuinely somewhat retarded but obviously gets around on his own...I wonder about the woman I used to work for who I adored, but she got into a bizarre cult-like relationship with a dangerous guy...I wonder about my boys' lovers....I wonder about my own OLD lovers....mostly my first boyfriend who I haven't seen or talked to in like 30 some years...I wonder about my art- making friends who I totally admire and am slightly envious of....I wonder about that boy Michael who used to work at K-Mart years and years ago who dressed like a girl (and looked pretty good) and back then in that small town, how brave he was to be himself.....I wonder about the people who buy my signs (thank you!!!) and what they think about them later.....It just never ends, the wondering. Which I actually like, because A) it means my brain is still functioning (no early onset alzheimers which is one of my biggest fears and those recent well written books that have come out lately about this dont help...) and B) it means probably that some weird relationship-people from my life are probably wondering about me!
I feel so much gratitude. x #500wordsaday
1/15/2016 19:24:32Love you and our crazy, fun relationship! Oh, and a reply to B) I do think of you often usually followed by a chuckle. The memories from our Flowerwood days will hopefully stay with me forever. Thanks for sharing!
1/18/2016 03:34:52 pm
I have a non-relationship with my brother, and I often think about people who are close to their siblings and feel, not jealous, but just sort of sad over what I don't have. But, my brother is mentally ill and an addict. He used to be a good person under it all, but now that is gone, all that is left is the mental illness, addiction, and manipulative behaviors that go along with that. I told my mother that he is like a vampire, that he sucks the life out of people. She said that her mom said that about him years ago!
1/19/2016 03:22:25 am
i love this
Leave a Reply.