BARNWORDS
  • Blog
  • Home
  • About
  • Photo Gallery
  • Contact
  • FIND ME HERE

welcome to my little world

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO

Day 2

1/16/2016

4 Comments

 


Day 2- I've now actually made TWO posts!!!! WOOOOHOOOO

 Today I am thinking about the past and how hugely it affects us in all these ways we don't even know. I have an almost 90 year old mum and I take her grocery shopping and on errands once a week...not because I have the greatest relationship with her, but because she's 90 and most of my siblings ignore her and/or live far away....and for some reason this has fallen to me. She has never driven (what?? I know...) so was always somewhat dependent on others or public transport.
I have wished throughout the years that I had one of those best-friends-with-your mum relationships but I don't. She's actually a pretty negative and hateful person. I  always strived to be the opposite in my child rearing days. Consciously.
​These days, I have become aware of how lonely she is and it makes me quite sad. I wonder if she thinks about how she'd do things differently now, knowing what she knows about her (non)relationships with most of her grown kids.  I mean I definitely love her but wouldn't say we are truly close, if that makes sense.
An old friend of mine called me today and we laughed and laughed talking about the hilarity and ridiculous things we used to do while working together about 15 years ago. Shelley and I are very close, but don't talk often. It made me think about how our past relationships mold who we become and I am truly lucky to have such a vast array of  wonderful friends and kids  who affect my personality in such a positive manner. 
Relationships. We have soooo many of them really, from close in depth ones to just the relationship you have with the super nice girl at your grocery that you see every Saturday (with your complaining mum). 

I wonder about the guy at the Y, who I see twice a week and seems genuinely somewhat retarded but obviously gets around on his own...I wonder about the woman I used to work for who I adored, but she got into a bizarre cult-like relationship with a dangerous guy...I wonder about my boys' lovers....I wonder about my own OLD lovers....mostly my first boyfriend who I haven't seen or talked to in like 30 some years...I wonder about my art- making friends who I totally admire and am slightly envious of....I wonder about that boy Michael who used to work at K-Mart years and years ago who dressed like a girl (and looked pretty good) and back then in that small town, how brave he was to be himself.....I wonder about the people who buy my signs (thank you!!!) and what they think about them later.....It just never ends, the wondering.  Which I actually like, because A) it means my brain is still functioning (no early onset alzheimers which is one of my biggest fears and those recent well written books that have come out lately about this dont help...) and B) it means probably that some weird relationship-people from my life are probably wondering about me!
I feel so much gratitude. x  #500wordsaday

2 Comments
Shelley Isenhart
1/15/2016 19:24:32Love you and our crazy, fun relationship! Oh, and a reply to B) I do think of you often usually followed by a chuckle. The memories from our Flowerwood days will hopefully stay with me forever. Thanks for sharing!
4 Comments
David Wolf
1/18/2016 03:34:52 pm

I have a non-relationship with my brother, and I often think about people who are close to their siblings and feel, not jealous, but just sort of sad over what I don't have. But, my brother is mentally ill and an addict. He used to be a good person under it all, but now that is gone, all that is left is the mental illness, addiction, and manipulative behaviors that go along with that. I told my mother that he is like a vampire, that he sucks the life out of people. She said that her mom said that about him years ago!

So I guess we all have these dysfunctional relationships, especially with family members. I read once a long time ago that family members are people that you might not even be friends with if it weren't for the fact that they are family.

Reply
barnwords link
1/18/2016 08:27:41 pm

Thank you for your comment, Dave.Family can be such a weird mix of emotions... x

Reply
Ian Johnson
1/19/2016 03:22:25 am

i love this

Reply
barnwords link
1/19/2016 08:45:25 am

Thank you!!!! <3

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    September 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    February 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    March 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016

    Categories

    All

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Blog
  • Home
  • About
  • Photo Gallery
  • Contact
  • FIND ME HERE