Authenticity. I like this word.
We already talked about lying and fake happiness. Authentic self. Wonder what it is. I am probably my most authentic self with my kids. How cliché that sounds. But it is true. Let me tell you a tiny bit about my kids. My oldest is 29. He is my most independent, but part of that may be due to his girlfriend. She is his confidant and partner and they are both brilliant nerdy smartypants. After college,he put himself through law school at a top 5 law school and his graduation day was one of my favorite days in the world. He never tells you what outstanding achievements he has accomplished, which may be his finest quality. He is incredibly smart, kind and loving to his brothers and continually makes me feel shocked that he is my kid. He has problems,yes. He is by no means perfect (to anyone besides me). I sometimes go weeks (months??) without talking to him and I hate that. My middle son is 25. He is a beautiful, passionate artist, a dancer/choreographer who has talent I only wish for. He is gay and when he told us, no one cared. I have talked about literally everything under the sun with him. Sometimes his life was difficult for obvious reasons especially in middle school (otherwise known as hell) We have had more fun together than you can imagine. I talk to him pretty much every day. My youngest son is 22 (on Wednesday!!) He is away at college. He insisted on going to expensive far away UCLA when he got in and I was so proud of him. I miss him A LOT because although he was my most challenging growing up, he made me laugh hysterically every single day he lived here. (it's why he's still alive lol) His sense of humor is killer. He is driven and kind and compassionate and crazy wild. I talk to him weekly, sometimes more. I have heart bursting love for all of them.
It is easy to be authentic with all of them. I don't know anyone else that I am always authentic with. I know I am lucky and they are lucky (if that is even the right word...) They're all in ridiculous,shocking student loan debt, all of them. They struggle just like I do and have shitty times. We've gone through it, let me tell ya. As adults, we've had screaming and crying and breakdowns right in front of each other. We've had the worst fights you can imagine at times. We've called each other awful things and laughed about it the following Christmas. But all that is authentic, for sure. My favorite is when one of them calls to tell me they're experiencing something awesome. I can virtually feel it too. That's authentic.
I sometimes wear different hats in different scenarios, I don't know how authentic that is. But with them...I guess I feel most like myself so I can be most myself. x #500wordsaday