Day 14. The twenty dollar french fries. 
So I debate whether to write about this ,as you will surely all think I am stupid (I'm not!) but here it is. I love french fries. I do not eat them all the time but I probably would if I could. A few days ago I was out doing a few things and I really wanted fries. Sometimes it comes upon me like that, especially when I'm hungry. I decide to treat myself at Culvers ,since I am already driving by it anyway...why not drive thru it? The total is $2.10...not bad for a satisfying 5 minutes and hell, I deserve it with all the bs Ive been dealing with lately. I give the girl a twenty and a dime. The dime falls to the ground and we both laugh and I rummage through the change pile (do we all have ridiculous sized change piles in our cars or just me?) and give her another ten cents. Being a frugal gal, I even attempt to see if i can SEE the dime and pick it up... no luck. No big deal. We exchange pleasantries and she gives me the fries and my water and.... I drive away. Um. I did. Ate the delicious fries on my way home. So many things on my mind. It is two days before I realize I dont have 18.00 anywhere. Check all possible places...car, purse, pockets, even ridiculous change pile. Nope. So then I try hard to remember IF she gave me the 18.00 or not and I come to the conclusion that she did not. In retrospect, I can understand the mistake. 2.10. 20.10. the dime drop/distraction. I am sure it was not a deliberate over site but even more unsettling- I drove away without even realizing it. (Still Alice??) I'm so mad at myself and quite disgusted as $18.00 is still a lot of cash to me. 
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I debated calling Culvers. What will I say? "hi yeah, two days ago, I wonder if your drive-up cash drawer was $18.00 over at the end of the day? Yes, That is mine. mmmhmmm." The stupidity of ME leaving without my change prevents me from making this call. 
So there you have it. The twenty dollar french fry episode. 
I once read somewhere that the human brain can only think of one thing at a time. Since we do about 350 things concurrently at any given moment...this is amazing. Eventually, somethings gotta suffer. A shame it was at the expense of my 18.00, but I've learned something and I will never leave without my change again, I'm sure of that! Humans. We are so amazing and complicated and yet, Twenty dollar fries. Actually twenty dollars and twenty cents to be exact. Jeeeeez. 
Today I'm making vegetarian split pea soup. Just so you don't picture me as a stupid fry guzzling Alice. x #500wordsaday

Hello friends!  I'm pretty excited about the latest product.  BARNWORDSX are the cutest little Christmas ornaments.
I would love a handmade original, one of a kind ornament, how about you? Great gift, eh?  The coolest thing is I'm incorporating these amazing vintage stickers from the 30's and 40's!!! My 91 year old mum collected them. I love them to pieces,but it seemed a waste to just have them in a box. I'm pretty excited to take these to my Holiday shows coming up...
They are 3" x 1.5". I am going to make a ton more but couldn't wait to post the first few.... that's how I am. :) 
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Give me feedback,friends! I NEVER thought I'd be making Christmas ornaments!

the finale. 
So many times in life we second guess our decisions. The what-if and should-I have syndromes.
 I am sharing booth space in a show this weekend with some maker friends of mine. I am mostly bringing my barnwords stuff but also some artwork and old stuff as alot of vendors sell antiques and a lot of people buy antiques here.  If you have not checked it, feel free.  www.barnwords.com  *shameless plug* and it is shameless, because hey. DAY 30. 
I am also starting back to my real job on Monday most likely. That means no more lazy morning coffees and making my own schedule. No more extra yoga classes. No more Caramel Inferno lattes mid day or mid week. (this one involves a drive)  No more hours reading WADS at many different times of the day and night. (hey perfect timing)  No more winter weirdness. This has been a pretty weird winter for me. Between the 90 year old's (my mum) issues and my own issues and my husband's issues and my kids issues I have been preoccupied to say the least. I haven't made nearly as much art as I normally do in my off season. I won't let myself feel too bad about that though. No point in second guessing what I did and didn't accomplish, including commiting to a show the last two free days I have before work. I will just enjoy it and make a million dollars. yeah!
For the last few winters, I have sort of referred to them, in my mind, in some particular way, like one was the Winter of drawing my words (literally) and taking naps. One was the Winter of starting a small (real small) business called barnwords. One was the Winter of driving to the city a lot. One was the Winter of walking and Sunday fun. This winter was the Winter of expensive coffees and hospital trips and WAD squad love. 
 I can't wait until I have the Winter of cleaning out everything and making loads of money selling signs. Or the Winter of traveling the world.
I am changing. I am becoming less fearful and less concerned about menial things. I am making the conscious effort to stop comparing.  I have no idea if keeping this 30 day commitment had anything to do with this or not, but I know it has helped me. I'm already contemplating what I can do for the whole month of April to better myself. Improve my lot in life.
I feel as if I am always struggling just a bit. Yearning for something undefinable or mysterious that is out of my reach.
If I had all the money I needed, that is- to be debt-free AND to pay all my kids' student loans off... wonder what I would do. I think I would travel. Travel might be the thing I really need. 
I will no doubt think of you and your lives throughout the coming months. Hope you receive my good energy at those moments. 
see ya later, writing friends.  x  #500wordsaday

​Day 24   that's 324   but not 23 in the 312 or the 815.
Not long ago my son said "I've been seeing my favorite number everywhere!"  His favorite number is 23.  It made him feel like he was in the right place. He's lived in a lot of different cities in his short little 25 years. Not me. I have lived in the same state, a few different towns, but all close enough to be considered... close.  I sometimes wished I had moved around more as a young unencumbered person. I am pretty comfortable here these days, but I know I could move if push came to shove. If I was young NOW though, I might do it differently. 
When I graduated from high school in 1976 no one expected me to go to college. In comparison, it was ASSUMED my kids would go to college when they graduated twenty nine years (and more) later. 
 I attended a college fair my senior year of high school, and decided I wanted to go to a small college called Franconia in Franconia, New Hampshire. I had never been to New Hampshire. I just remember being positive this is where I wanted to go. Oh, it looked so cool.  Beautiful mountains and fascinating sounding art classes. I longed to take classes called 'Studio in modernistic Art' and 'Ceramics'. 'Loom Building'   Things like, 'The American reality and American thought' and 'Child Welfare, Rights and Advocacy'. A class called "Because it's there'. A class named ' Jack Kerouac, William Burroughs and Allen Ginsberg' ((come ON! what?))  It all just sounded amazing. My dream was abruptly ended when I learned that my father (holder of all the money) would not pay for this. He would agree to an in-state more traditional school, can we discuss this? Absolutely not.
 For whatever reason, I had decided it was THIS school or none. I wasn't close to my father, in fact he didn't live with us.
So my attitude at 17 years old was.... whatever. Then I won't go.  Unfortunately no one cared.  But occasionally, I wonder what would have become of me, had I gone? I still have that Franconia College book somewhere. It will forever be a bittersweet reminder. 
I love reading. One time, years ago some guy asked me 'so what do you DO? I mean, like, what do you like to do?'  Godhelpme all I could think of to say was... I like to read.  It's funny NOW but I remember agonizing over the fact that I could only think of READING as an answer. Now, of course, that would be an amazing answer.... But then. Not so much. I felt small.
I always associated reading with writing. How funny that I find myself so many years later in a WRITING GROUP with a bunch of amazingly talented writers. Life is strange, huh?  also...Numbers always remind me of my fave scene from 8 Mile.  x #500wordsaday 

​Day 19   Oh, the humor.
My  life is filled with humor. Not everyday certainly, but some days a lot of what happens to me can be seen as somewhat humorous. This is a good thing. Come to think of it, a lot of your (serious subjects) posts in WAD have really funny things in them. Even stories about  unfortunate things like spending twenty dollars on french fries can have a humorous side. Which makes me believe that it's healthy to see the funny stuff and also makes me realize what is funny to one is not always funny to another.
 I might have a warped sense of humor. I don't really know. Farts and poop and swearing and people slipping and falling down are NOT necessarily funny to me, but sometimes the story surrounding them is quite funny. Sometimes when people try to be funny, they're not at all funny to me.
 I haven't been to a comedy club in years and years (sorry, Carolyn) but I remember laughing so hard at Zanies when I was in my twenties. I often do not laugh at what everyone else finds hilarious though. Humor is really personal and individual which must make being a comedian really hard. We laugh a lot in my immediate family, because having kids automatically makes things fairly funny. 
Karl Pilkington makes me laugh. 'The Moaning of Life' is just hilarious to me. There is a sort of rude songwriter who is quite clever named Bo Burnham that I found funny a few years ago. Some of the political SNL stuff is damn funny. But none of you may think those guys are funny at all. Some subjects are NEVER funny to me. But the daily life things can definitely be seen through an amusing viewpoint. 
My son is taking Chinese lessons since he is in China. He has a lovely new friend named Tang Tang whom he shared his phone with  to record a voice message on WeChat to me, when the two of them were having a fun moment, and we all laughed hysterically at it. Why? I don't even know... but it was funny!  
Work places have often been a source of uncontrolled laughter for me. People you work with and work situations can be super entertaining. My friend Shelley and I built a friendship completely from laughing at our workplace (it was years ago) and I don't believe anyone would think our time there was as funny as we did. I have no idea why this happens. 
(I was going to stop there, and use my rollover but I saw the word count was 420. which reminded me of something funny. and I don't even smoke pot.)  I never knew about 420. My kids enlightened me. It was a funny thing when Ian and I finally arrived at our hotel at about 2 AM  after some really funny and NOT funny things happened to us, about 6 years ago and our room number was... 420.  I hope to never stop laughing at my life.  x #500wordsaday

​Day 16   the big screen
Got a million things to do and what am I doing? WAD stuff. 
Sleep is the most coveted thing (well, besides getting shit done, drinking good coffees and feeling better)  in my world these days.  I've never been an excellent sleeper. Throughout my adult years, I've struggled with the peaks and valleys of GOOD sleep. Many years ago the hubby and I decided to sleep in separate rooms which helped a lot, because I challenge anyone to find a louder sleeper/snorer than he. Then throughout my youngest's high school years I feel like I never slept. He was.... challenging (love you, Ian!) Then menopausal insomnia. Then regular life insomnia. Then worry about the world insomnia.(current)  And of course, I have to pee after I do fall asleep. Cuz I'm old. 
 I'm so envious of people who say 'as soon as my head hits the pillow...I'm out!'.  As soon as my head hits the pillow....the big screen in my head turns on. Every single conversation and story and scene from my day (week? month?) starts to replay. I'll admit I've come up with some pretty good observations and resolutions during these times...however I'd still rather be sleeping. I love my bed. I love my down comforter. I love the quiet. and I'd love to sleep a solid 8 some day. Something to strive for I suppose.
Getting shit done is my nemesis these days. (love that word) and I am determined to finish some important demanding things before April first, when I am back to work. I am a procrastinator by nature. I've actually tried to change that, but for reasons unknown I am not successful. I almost typed 'I cant' instead of 'Im not succesful' but that's just not real. I can. It's not as if Im trying to build a house or become a pro basketball player or something I really CAN'T do. I feel overwhelmed with stuff I've got to do and so I do nothing. Nothing, being WAD stuff or whatnot, but TODAY I am changing this. You heard it here, friends. I am making my list as soon as I post this. Feel free to ask me how I'm progressing in the days to come (i.e. Hey Lois, are your taxes filed? Did you take Garth's tax stuff to H and R? Have you consolidated the loans? Have you looked at the cheap flights for June?* <that one I will prob do, since I enjoy booking trips.) and by the way, why do I not know any accountants? I need an accountant friend. I've done our taxes for years and I always wonder if we could get more (or any, some years like last year) money back if I took it somewhere. 
*My youngest is graduating in June and for the first time since 2009, I will have no one in college. I love college graduations, seriously love them, so it will be bittersweet as well as a huge relief. Plus it looks like all my kids will be there for it, so how good is that?     x #500wordsaday   Looks like I'm continuing on. 

​Day 11.   stories.
I bet most of us like reading. I mean, writers read. It's natural. Not that I am referring to myself as a writer...but I AM writing 500 words a day....
So what are y'all reading? I just finished an alright book and am looking for a great one. I have an ongoing list of course...and 5 or 6 to-be-reads, but I love new titles from others. So please. Post below! Do it. 
 Have you read 'Geek Love' by Katherine Dunn? It's so weird and wonderful. A fictional story but the whole time I read it I was thinking it was real. All about how this bizarre freak-show couple concocted mixtures of horrendous combinations of drugs and chemicals to produce freak-show offspring. I thought of this story today but I don't know exactly why. That's a great thing about good stories- you think about them.  I've gotten some fabulous lines from your writings, my 500 friends. Today -Fear ruins everything good. Isn't that true? Why is fear so prevalent in our every day lives anyway? I should clarify- I'm not talking about real fear for our lives fear, but the disabling type of fear of the future fear.  Fear of commitment fear. Fear of the unknown outcome fear. These days I'm just goin for it whenever I can. 

Blah blah blah. I don't have a cool story today or even a cohesive one, obviously. 

I want to go visit my son who is living and working in Shanghai. Mostly, I miss him terribly because we always hung out when he was here (which wasn't that often in the last few years) He has been to tons of foreign countries and lived in NY (went to college there) as well as Chicago and London. He's a nomad but not like a homeless wanderer. He's a hard working (read: ridiculous student loan debt) wonder.  I have reaped the benefits of seeing places I may not have seen because he was there. But China. I'm somewhat fearful to go but I have no concrete reason. Thats the fear I'm talking about.  He hasnt settled anywhere yet, (as in like proudly decorating an apartment) for more than a few months since college. Such a different life than mine! I've lived in this old house for 29 years now and I don't even LOVE the town I live in. Go figure. 

I sometimes paint words and phrases  on old barn wood. People pay me for them. It's pretty cool. I love words. You would think I might know some other languages...but I don't. I often draw words in my journals. When I was young I associated colors with days of the week.  It's Saturday today and Saturday is a lovely blueish green day.  
I need to be productive today because I have so much I have neglected lately. I dislike the nagging feeling in my brain of chores I am behind on. Not chores like regular cleaning, but like.... taxes. Why oh why do I put things off? Also why do we still change the clocks? I hate the time change thing. So pointless. I like my lightness in the morning, thank you. ok. thats my story today.  x #500wordsaday

I didn't always love reading short stories. I felt that when they were good, I was always left wanting more. (but what happened?)
Then somewhere along the way, I read a book of them by Lorrie Moore, I think, and I decided I loved them. I devoured short collections constantly. Nowdays I still read them and find them to be amazing and entertaining. That is what it is like in this group, a lot of the time.
I have determined that a LOT of you writers are around my children's ages. That makes it even better. I love young people. Life today in your twenties and thirties is different from what my own was, mostly due to technology (and wonderful/horrible things like life with phone.) It is really fabulous that we can google literally anything, find our way literally anywhere, become somewhat knowledgable on any subject at the type of a keypad. I am glad that I lived without this luxury AND live with it, because it's fabulous to know both worlds. Babies/kids now will never have lived without this tech-life. I feel lucky to have grown up with encyclopedia britannica (those impossibly huge books) as my google. Having to wear a watch if we needed to get home on time. I also love the internet's ease and the phone IS my watch. I like e-mail. And I still send letters to people. (want one?? Message me your address and I will send you real mail:) So I feel lucky to enjoy both worlds! 
A few years ago we tried to get my (then about 85) mother to learn to use a cell phone."You know, in case you're outside or you fall and can't get to your phone which sits on the desk.'' It was even FREE, provided to senior citizens, a simple flip type phone with large numbers... She just could not do it. My son, my sister and myself all tried with her..."look how easy- just press 1 and you can call me...press 2 and you can call her"... nope. the cell phone was sent back (it's free, mom you don't HAVE to return it) but she wasnt having it. Is it generational or stubbornness? 
When my kids were little, I consciously made a decision to not be my mother. Of course, she sometimes made an appearance when I least expected it...but I was almost always aware of it. I wanted a different relationship with my kids than I had with my mum. I think she did the best she knew how to at the time. She was not abusive. But the negative attitude and the berating was not something I wanted to pass on to them. I was raised with the general idea that children were deserving of no respect based on the fact that they were children. I seriously disagree with that concept. My kids have taught me a lot. At least as much as I taught them and maybe more and I love that technology allows us to remain in touch so often, even from the other side of the world! What a perfect feeling it was to witness my kids surpassing my accomplishments and certainly my expectations! Nothing better. x #500wordsaday

​Day 9   Today
I'm kinda tired of writing. Do I stop at 9 or muddle through with something I don't like and try to keep going? I originally commited to 15....half of the project requirement, so if I stop at 8....that's half of the half! I do realize that one of the purposes behind this challenge is to challenge.  However, I am tired of being challenged. 
Today I saw some very good friends who comprise a group we call Makers. The Makers are 6 of us who sell art of some sort. We are many leveled, one of us supports herself exclusively this way, and the rest of us do other things as well. We all met one another through various avenues. Only one of them I have known for a very long time. We were friends when we were 10 years old, then didn't see each other for ages. Reconnected through art.  All the rest of us met fairly recently but we have become quite close and their friendships are very important to me. Friends are so crucial to my life. Isn't it interesting to think about why we are drawn to some people and become friends? I am absolutely sure I wrote about this subject -friendships- in another 500 words time. Maybe last year.

Have ANY of you seen the Punchdrunk production called 'Sleep No More'? It is in NY and also in Shanghai currently. It is technically a dance production.  It is something called immersive theater, in which the audience members follow the cast around throughout the production which is set in an old 5 or 6 floor hotel called The McKittrick (NY) and have limited (strange) interaction.  It's pretty amazing. People called superfans see the show over and over and over. They never tire of it because it is different every night in a sense. Plus they are obsessed.  I'm not obsessed with much.
Right now I feel I am obsessed with reading these essays, but I can't think of anything else I am obsessed with. 
I actually love seeing live theater and dance. It is something I have enjoyed forever. I need to make time to do that more. 

Today it snowed a little.  Exactly one week ago I was in sleeveless sunshine. 
Soon I will be back to the regular nine to five. (which is 7:30 to 4,5 or 6.) and I won't be spending hours reading posts so I shall enjoy it while I am here. 

That's as close as I'm getting to 500. But I don't even think the point is "500"...I think it's the spending time writing so I'm good for another one and I sometimes go over anyway. I opt to use the rollover plan. 
x  #500wordsaday