Day 3...

​DAY #3. 
This challenge is really proving interesting to me. I absolutely love reading everyone's writings. Of course I immediately resort to the 'oh no I'm not as good...oh no I suck actually...oh no why am I in this group?' however....I am feeling more and more confident each time I post. I've never written a blog or taken part in anything like this before, but I have written things down my whole life. I have multiple journals and sketchbooks with writings that span years. And I love to read. I love learning so much that I often wonder why I don't have a college degree. It's because I never went to college.
I have recently had this struggle within my self about not having gone to college when I had the chance (39 years ago...but still)
 Of course, I could still do it even at 57 but eh,why bother? Each time I took one of my kids  off to start college, I felt so happy and felt like I should be the one there.(ha-imagine that! sorry kid you're goin back home with dad, Its ME that's off to live on campus and hang out in libraries and gyms)   I've no idea why I relate my non-success (monetarily and career wise) with college, but I do. 
My oldest graduated from law school recently and got a fantastic job doing what he was most interested in. His long time girlfriend is pursuing her PhD at a prestigious college. Sometimes when I am around her I feel so stupid. It's probably just me and my own insecurities, because I love this girl a lot. Why do I equate intelligence with this college degree thing? I know plenty of intelligent people...almost as many smarties as dumbos...and I don't consider myself a dumbo. (mostly) I am really trying to figure out why I'm so hard on myself. I suppose that's where all these feelings of NOT GOOD ENOUGH come from anyway.
So in reading many of your wonderful essays here, I've definitely seen a sort of common thread...even in my own. It is the NOT GOOD ENOUGH voice we all hear ,in different deliveries, for sure. In some way or another, we seem to hear it about something we are doing, not doing, someone we are with or not with, anyone who is a parent hears it regularly. 
I'm tired of hearing it in my own head, frankly. I think I'm going to work on silencing that fucker.   Anyway part of what I like about this exercise of writing daily is how the thoughts just come out randomly.  I mean I wasn't planning to write about the NOTGOODENOUGH thing when I started this one. BUT here's what just happened- so because I am not the most tech-savvy human and no kids were home to ask, I found this 'word counter' thingy when I started this 500wordsaday project. I happened to glance over at the side bar just now and it says "reading level-7-8th grade". Immediately, I thought  OMG I am writing YA stuff... (NOTGOODENOUGH)   but upon further investigation, I have learned that "The only thing the Reading Level tries to do is give an indicator of the education level a person would need to be at in order to understand the words you’re using in your writing."
phew. I think.   x
#500wordsaday